How can you get and give better feedback?

Full transcript

Intro

Alyssa: This is the problem I'm solving. This is the audience it's for. This is why the business cares about it. And this is what I'm looking for. "Am I doing the thing I need to do?", is the fundamental question of personal feedback, right?

Jay: One of the most nerve rattling parts of ending a workshop is knowing that you have to take all the ideas and insights that came from those sessions and present them back to senior leadership and your stakeholders to get their feedback.

This is "Facilitators Q&A". I'm Jay Melone of New Haircut. And in this episode, Alyssa Boehm, who's the VP of User Experience at Forrester, is coming to talk with us about structuring those conversations. Whether it's with senior leaders, outside stakeholders, or your customers. Designing them so that you get exactly and precisely the specific feedback that you're looking for. So you get the information and approval you need and then move on into the work that follows.

So join Alyssa and I, as she unpacks the question, "How can we redesign our conversations to get and give the feedback we're looking for?"

Today’s question

Jay: Alyssa in a lot of the workshops that I'm a part of they're actually the early conversations. And what I mean by that is oftentimes we're doing some research and prototyping and trying to identify opportunities. And afterward, the group is then asked to present what they found, to share the business case, to get feedback, to get feedback from customers, to get feedback from stakeholders, and senior leaders. And a lot of the time that process is really bumpy. As a leader, that's working with designers and facilitators and product folks, how can we make this process better? What are the challenges that you're finding?

Alysssa: I think the big challenges are meetings where we leave without clarity around like the feedback. Meetings where the feedback is, frankly, not very helpful or on point. And probably meetings where the people who are soliciting the feedback, they didn't drive it to get the thing they're looking for. Cause they weren't very specific or prescriptive.

So I have been to, gosh, probably feels like thousands, millions, bajillions of meetings where people are like, we're going to do feedback. Great. What are you looking for? Oh, just anything. Tell me whatever you want. And nobody wants that from me. I've been to meetings where I, you know, earlier in my career, I was like, yeah, give me whatever feedback. And they're like, "You have some stuff in your teeth."

Being prescriptive about what you're looking for. So if you are working on a specific problem or a specific interaction, it's okay to narrow the focus of the conversation and talk about, "This is what I'm looking for today. We want to talk about this thing, this problem, this customer, this area of an experience, this part of the business case, this business requirement, this legal constraint."

Getting confirmation about what those things are, is really important. And I view that as probably the most important feedback. And frankly, it's a place where people probably don't spend enough time and they kind of take it for granted. Because that's where all the misalignments come later. "Oh, we weren't clear on our customer." "Oh, we didn't agree on the customer or the customer changed and we didn't communicate that to the larger group." "The goal changed." "The metrics changed." "The money changed." "The timeframe changed." And those are important things that I don't know that people always think of as feedback but it's part of that ongoing conversation.

And if you're not soliciting it and confirming it to make sure that you are clear on what those things are, it's going to be harder for you to solve the problems. And there's always going to be a mismatch in what is delivered versus what you thought you were giving.

Jay: Yeah. So it sounds like what I'm pulling out of there is specificity. Why do you think people struggle with really being clear and specific on what they're looking for?

Alyssa: Because I think you need to, I think sometimes people don't always think about what they're looking for. Like it's very obvious and it's not. You know, people, we live inside of our own heads. And so we sometimes forget, we need to externalize our thinking and our expectations.

I think the other place where it gets murky is that we should be open to the feedback we weren't anticipating. And I think, or looking for, because sometimes those are gifts. If you get some good feedback, you don't want to shut down those roads. And so people are trying to be open and engaged but they don't know how to drive those conversations or have them.

So, you know, I think one of my big tricks is asking about stuff - my blind spots, what did I miss? What are you worried about? And then that's a good place, especially where you get some of those like tangents that happen in those conversations or where somebody kind of derails those conversations. It's okay to hold space to give people a place to unpack that a little bit because there's usually something there. You're going to have to deal with it. It may not be in this specific conversation but it's going to be something you have to deal with in the project.

And then of course the great disinfectant is sunshine. So hold it up to the light and examine it, ask questions, ask the followups, you know, what happens if this happens? What is, you know, what's the worst outcome? What are the worst case scenarios? How does this go and follow that weird unhappy path and see where it takes you? Because sometimes there are good pieces that you can again feed into your larger effort.

Jay: Okay, so these are great tips for once you have that person in the room with you or on the call with you. Sometimes though people are, they want to know what are we going to be doing? How are we going to spend the time? What will you need from me? And it's almost like they're keeping you at arms length, until you've invited them into that conversation and made them feel like they can contribute. Do you have any ideas or tips for getting them to the conversation itself?

Alyssa: Uh huh, having a very clear agenda is great. And I am a big advocate for it. I think also outlining your process. So I follow about the same process for anything I'm doing. And again, it starts with the confirmation conversation which is, "This is the problem I'm solving. This is the audience it's for. This is why the business cares about it. This is where we are in the process. And this is what I'm looking for." Am I doing the thing I need to do, is the fundamental question of like personal feedback, right?

Jay: Yeah. And you know, there's a lot of leadership characteristics in what you're describing. Like being clear on what you expect and what you need. Especially when that person is senior.

Alyssa: Yes. Jay: Being specific. Right? And so, that takes a little bit of practice.

Alyssa: Yeah.

Jay: Can we talk about how a leader can best show up and give the feedback that the team is really looking for? What can they do to show up and give what the team needs?

Alyssa: Yeah. I think my friend, Andy Mignolo, she is a very talented designer and product leader and she just wrote a great piece. I'll send you the link for it. For people who want to be better at giving feedback, I think there are really important things to consider around the power dynamic, about how you show up, and again about what you want to say versus what is necessary.

So a lot of times, people show up and they want to give a piece of feedback that maybe isn't what people are looking for. It's not necessarily that it's something they didn't want to hear but I think you really have to interrogate, what is the purpose of the feedback I'm giving? Is it actually helping or is it me, you know, trying to one up somebody or look like the smart one or look like the boss.

I think the biggest trap that leaders fall into from providing feedback perspective is thinking they have to say something because they're the boss. I never want to be that person. And I discourage my fellow leaders from being that person. You know, I think I'm delighted if I don't have to say anything. If it happens, you know, if the feedback is coming from other people, and the thing I can say is like, "This is working let's move forward with it."

Jay: These have been great Alyssa. So what is the one golden nugget tip, that you can give with the person that's closing their workshop? That's asking for feedback. What can they do next?

Alyssa: I think it's great, it's always a good opportunity to confirm, like I said. And also to do a tiny bit of exploration because some people are hesitant about giving feedback. So you might want to frame it around either asking for advice, asking about blind spots. "What am I missing? Is there something I didn't see or is there something you're worried about?" So those are usually little handy tips and tricks.

Jay: Yeah. Perfect. Thank you so much, Alyssa. These are great tips.

I hope that for the person watching if you're leading these workshops which is already stressful enough, I hope that Alyssa's tips to help you close and get the reflection and feedback you need from the team, from senior leaders. Hope these tips have been helpful for you. Thanks so much Alyssa.

Alyssa: Thank you.

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